When she walked out and got mad at our class, I was initially astounded, knowing nothing of what just happened. After being enlightened of the things going on around me, I thought to myself, "How typical. Should I even be surprised?." Most Psychology students, if not everyone, know her as a brave, gutsy woman who goes screaming at the 3rd floor corridor every time freshmen students block her way, a true-blood Batangena who knows how to work her loud voice, and a playful professor who gets seriously furious when triggered. That was the person [I thought] I knew before.
The next two meetings after the said disagreement was worse, or so I thought it would be. She entered the classroom already acting very cold, and would sit in front, asking us solely of one thing: "Talk." The 4-letter word that moved mountains. It was already our chance to speak up; however, it was hard for others, even myself, to divulge. Maybe some were just afraid to be left alone when we make our confession. Maybe we were worried our words will intensify the situation. Maybe we were scared our actions will damage the relationship even more. But the damage has been done, after all.
Just like a choir, we are made up of many voices. But in the hardest time, one by one we went silent, until all there’s left of us were soloists. One thing I admired about my class is when someone finally had the guts to speak up, almost everyone followed. Those who originally let only our president to be accountable also took the blame. This, I consider, to be my block’s touchstone to a stronger relationship. Deep down, I know we’d always stand up for one another; it was just that most of us were scared. It was disappointing to find out that fear would break the bond we built for two years; but really, the fear we felt was just the beginning. The beginning of a better connection between the entire class and a closer relationship with our professor. If the the choir of many voices will be as melodic as this, I'm for sure the result will always be sweet-sounding rhythms.
With this experience, I realized the inevitable: mistakes and forgiveness are part of life. We all have slip ups; do things that have bad consequences. But like what she said, that doesn’t mean we are evil, we can’t be trusted afterwards, we can’t be given another chance. An American philosopher and psychologist once said, “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” If there’s one thing I admired about her, it was the attitude towards the situation. She could’ve missed the rest of our meetings, failed us all, deleted us on her Facebook friends list, but she didn’t. Rather, she went to class, regardless of the physical and emotional pain she’s feeling, and faced us all. William James was right; your attitudes – the willingness to forgive and ask for forgiveness – are two important things we should all aspire. I learned that throughout life, people will make you mad, disrespect and treat you bad. It’s normal to get angry, to let your waters flow, but always try to flourish it with paperboats of forgiveness. For pardon is the most important contribution not just for the healing of our wounds, but for the healing of the world.
This day, I look at her and see a totally different person. If she was once autocratic to my judgmental eyes, I now see her as a mother. She wasn’t given kids of her own, but there were plenty – maybe hundreds or thousands – she molded and disciplined to be better persons. That is what a real parent should do. I admire her for going beyond what’s said in her job description, for spending extra time and effort to fix our class issues even if UST doesn’t pay her enough. She could’ve abandoned the ship, but instead, she saved it from sinking and no matter how cheesy this may seem, I love her for that.
I look back to the day forgiveness was made, and I can’t help but breathe a full sigh of relief. Because we’re finally okay, because I’m certain I’m not getting a singko (or not?). But more than that, it’s because we finally opened up our hearts to one another. The wall that was built in the past year has been torn down. Once and for all, I consider this a blessing in disguise. God has a reason for putting us in this position. Maybe in order for us to grow, we must sometimes get hurt or hurt the people around us. But it is important we forgive ourselves and others for making mistakes. We need to learn from it and move on; because in life, we can’t go back, we can only go forward.
