Removing a few bad apples make a successful bunch

While pondering over my responses, I realized that I do know my goals. Only problem is, the enough drive and discipline to achieve them was missing. The past year was equally challenging and conducive, wherein my determination, patience, and integrity were indubitably tested.

Determination, how hard did I push? Looking at the old version of myself years back, I must say that the 2011 was the hardest I persevered (so far). In my list of priorities, I’ve finally learned to put to studies on the highest part of the paper, which makes it one my first concerns. Improvement was clear-cut in the way I aimed for something better. In opposition to my old mentality that “sakto lang” grades are enough for survival, I’m now yearning for higher ones, which I have set realistically. I haven’t entirely achieved this goal, but I’m impelled to make my way through. Because I believe that a successful person doesn’t mean someone who has a superior IQ or a whopping GPA; rather, someone who has the will to get where she has to be going.

Patience, how long have I waited? Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that can have patience can have what he will.” It took me nearly three years in college to be able to have grades I can boast of – must I admit, it was quite a long time. But in the span of three, dreadful years, I didn’t lose hope; I didn’t wait for good things to magically fall from the sky. I went out of my shell and showed the world that I can make my dreams come true. 

Integrity, did I say true to my word? There were many times I had to make choices: between what is right and wrong. In exams, I could have cheated; my responsibilities, I could have intently forgotten; but I didn’t. All the tests, activities, reports, and insanely long papers have definitely shaken my strength. I could’ve resulted to wrong means of accomplishing my tasks, but I still considered what is right, even when no one is ever gonna find out.

In the end, my responses amazed me – never knew I’d transform into a student I barely pictured myself becoming. I now have the sincerest desire to acquire knowledge, to fulfill all my duties, to excel and stand out. I also grasped my frailties – time, pressure, and stress management, most importantly – and was self-effacing to admit that I must remove the bad apples, so I won’t spoil the good bunch of characteristics I have.

In a nutshell, it was never an easy task to make a self-evaluation because we tend to be biased over our own capabilities. That’s the principal reason why I had a hard time accomplishing my appraisal form. But then, I came to the realization that we can also be considered the best analysts of our own fulfillment. Provided that we are humble enough to button down our own shortcomings, we will be able to critically analyze how well we have been performing.  Assessments like this, even hard to finish, is something that all of us need, to know the mistakes of the past, achievements at present, and dreams to be reached in the future.


I wanted to go beyond one page.. I officially hate limits.

We Can Only Go Forward

When she walked out and got mad at our class, I was initially astounded, knowing nothing of what just happened. After being enlightened of the things going on around me, I thought to myself, "How typical. Should I even be surprised?." Most Psychology students, if not everyone, know her as a brave, gutsy woman who goes screaming at the 3rd floor corridor every time freshmen students block her way, a true-blood Batangena who knows how to work her loud voice, and a playful professor who gets seriously furious when triggered. That was the person [I thought] I knew before.

The next two meetings after the said disagreement was worse, or so I thought it would be. She entered the classroom already acting very cold, and would sit in front, asking us solely of one thing: "Talk." The 4-letter word that moved mountains. It was already our chance to speak up; however, it was hard for others, even myself, to divulge. Maybe some were just afraid to be left alone when we make our confession. Maybe we were worried our words will intensify the situation. Maybe we were scared our actions will damage the relationship even more. But the damage has been done, after all.

Just like a choir, we are made up of many voices. But in the hardest time, one by one we went silent, until all there’s left of us were soloists. One thing I admired about my class is when someone finally had the guts to speak up, almost everyone followed. Those who originally let only our president to be accountable also took the blame. This, I consider, to be my block’s touchstone to a stronger relationship. Deep down, I know we’d always stand up for one another; it was just that most of us were scared. It was disappointing to find out that fear would break the bond we built for two years; but really, the fear we felt was just the beginning. The beginning of a better connection between the entire class and a closer relationship with our professor. If the  the choir of many voices will be as melodic as this, I'm for sure the result will always be sweet-sounding rhythms.

With this experience, I realized the inevitable: mistakes and forgiveness are part of life. We all have slip ups; do things that have bad consequences. But like what she said, that doesn’t mean we are evil, we can’t be trusted afterwards, we can’t be given another chance. An American philosopher and psychologist once said, “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” If there’s one thing I admired about her, it was the attitude towards the situation. She could’ve missed the rest of our meetings, failed us all, deleted us on her Facebook friends list, but she didn’t. Rather, she went to class, regardless of the physical and emotional pain she’s feeling, and faced us all. William James was right; your attitudes – the willingness to forgive and ask for forgiveness – are two important things we should all aspire. I learned that throughout life, people will make you mad, disrespect and treat you bad. It’s normal to get angry, to let your waters flow, but always try to flourish it with paperboats of forgiveness. For pardon is the most important contribution not just for the healing of our wounds, but for the healing of the world.

This day, I look at her and see a totally different person. If she was once autocratic to my judgmental eyes, I now see her as a mother. She wasn’t given kids of her own, but there were plenty – maybe hundreds or thousands – she molded and disciplined to be better persons. That is what a real parent should do. I admire her for going beyond what’s said in her job description, for spending extra time and effort to fix our class issues even if UST doesn’t pay her enough. She could’ve abandoned the ship, but instead, she saved it from sinking and no matter how cheesy this may seem, I love her for that.

 I look back to the day forgiveness was made, and I can’t help but breathe a full sigh of relief. Because we’re finally okay, because I’m certain I’m not getting a singko (or not?). But more than that, it’s because we finally opened up our hearts to one another. The wall that was built in the past year has been torn down. Once and for all, I consider this a blessing in disguise. God has a reason for putting us in this position. Maybe in order for us to grow, we must sometimes get hurt or hurt the people around us. But it is important we forgive ourselves and others for making mistakes. We need to learn from it and move on; because in life, we can’t go back, we can only go forward.

Your Universe

Thank God for Powerbooks sale (along with a very generous mother), I got three delightful treats for myself last Sunday: The Lucky One, The Magic, and The Secret. After reading terrible reviews on Goodreads, I had nothing but regret for the latter one. I only got it because I always believe what Oprah says. Note to self: Never again. But good news always comes after the bad: my reading speed had some progress -- I can now  finish a 300++ page book in roughly around 24 hours -- I know, I'm no expert compared to others. But still, winning moment for me.

I'm sorry Nick (ay close?) but the book did bore the hell out of me. All I wanted was for it to end so I don't put my 315 pesos to waste. Taken from my Goodreads account:

Typical Nicholas Sparks novel. Set in North Carolina (which is his hometown, that's why), someone always dies. Always. And The Lucky One is not my favorite of all his works, must I say.  It started out in a really, really slow pace; with uneccessary details about the characters that just prolonged the agony of reading. It was, to an extent, boring. Nothing exciting happened 'til I was halfway through the book. There were also a lot of repetition -- I mean, it's just full of sentences that has the exact same meaning, yet being echoed twice or more. Again, typical Sparks novel. For me, the story is too good to be true. Well, after all, this is a fictional book. On the upside, I found solace in some of its characters. I liked Ben who reminded me of myself as a kid, and maybe even as a grown-up, having a parent with [too many] high expectations. I also have a fascination for Zeus, the dog, because of one thing: he is a dog. And way too smart for one. I must also concede that I was an inch close to falling in love with Logan's character, but then I realized he was, as well, too good to be true. "Men like that are just products of the mind," I pondered. Nana was a joy, too. Her metaphors were really of great help in expanding my vocabulary. Plus, she's so strong, youthful, cool, and I could really use a grandmother like her. I love mine, though.   Final word: the book deserves its 3 out of 5 rating. And here, I'm not rating the author, but the book alone. Sparks' still on my favorite writers' list.

Favorite quote: "She was struck by the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people." So true!!

By the way, highway, the title was no way related to the book. However, this Rico Blanco song has a lyric that says "You can thank the stars all you want, but I'll always be the lucky one.." Hehe, witty. Goodnight!